Marijuana

(note: not my tenth grade english teacher)

My tenth grade English teacher once told me, on the topic of free response essay questions (read: bull shit), "Aside from talking about dead pets, never ever make a case for the legalization of marijuana." 

I preface the maiden post of this blog with that anecdote because it highlights the main issue: no one talks about marijuana, at least in truthful and practical terms.  Personally, I bought the state-sponsored message delivered via D.A.R.E. and a local municipal doughnut consumer (I mean police officer).  Until my quavering hand brought the ceramic bowl to my mouth and that first hit was ignited one fateful snowy night in a forest by a local synagogue, I was essentially scared shitless about marijuana.  And why was this?  Because of some poorly rendered cartoon about the ills of drug use- in which joints were equated with transcendent magnitude and addictive power of such heavy-hitters as heroin, cocaine, and crack-cocaine.  So, on to the facts. One, marijuana isn't addictive.  Science has proven this to be true and besides, with only positive side effects and no lethal potency at any level- marijuana users continue use for one simple reason- they are alive and functioning.  To keep things simple and internet-attention-span friendly, let's just compare marijuana with legal drugs the government allows the sale of.  

Alcohol: is addictive, impairs judgment/ability to operate machinery, makes you angry, leads to compromise of willpower (i.e. rape), destroys the liver, can cause nausea and vomiting, potently kills brain cells, and makes you smell like a old man's liquor cabinet.  

Tobacco: is addictive (oh, again?), destroys your lungs, costs more per day than marijuana, ruins your teeth, ruins your breath, makes you a pariah in the ever-enlarging smoke-free American metropoli, and lines the pockets of fat white men in smoke-filled rooms of the bible belt.

Marijuana: is not addictive, can be vaporized/baked/brewed for lung concerns, makes you mellow and happy, is cheap (and the government could make a killing selling it), organic, treats pain in cancer and glaucoma patients.

Hopefully, the trend of California's progressive legislation trickling across the country will continue in the case of Proposition 215 aka the Compassionate Use Act.  In the meantime, I will be here readily available to out-debate Reagan groupies and Above the Influence Christian moms so the rest of you can go about your lives peacefully.